


I'm never what I like, I'm double-sided, and I just can't hide

by Ford_Ye_Fiji



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt Number Five | The Boy, Hurt/Comfort, Number Five | The Boy Deserves Better, Number Five | The Boy Gets A Hug, Number Five | The Boy Has Issues, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Number Five | The Boy Whump, Old man Five!!, Possibly ooc for luther, Rated T for language, basically it’s a hug, because he actually uses his head for something, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:54:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26723224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ford_Ye_Fiji/pseuds/Ford_Ye_Fiji
Summary: Luther huffed, clearly worried, "Look, Five, you need to listen to me. If you have a headache, you could already be well on your way to the final stage! Do we really need the briefcase from him that much?" He jerked his head to the older-younger Five walking ahead of them across the asphalt, towards the grass.-Paradox psychosis remix! IE, what if the psychosis had better symptoms?
Comments: 15
Kudos: 237





	I'm never what I like, I'm double-sided, and I just can't hide

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of this brilliant post!!! https://ford-ye-fiji.tumblr.com/post/630258952808103936

It was only when Five winced at his volume did he realize what was going on. Luther blinked, reaching out hesitantly, "Wait, Five does your head hurt?"

Five glared up at him, brows furrowed, pain etched into the lines between his eyes, the sun beating down, too bright and too loud, just like everything else, "The fuck is it to you?" 

Luther gaped, horror growing as he recoiled, "That’s the first stage of paradox psychosis!"

Five adjusted the hem of his sweater, stopping to itch his neck, almost twitching involuntarily, "Didn't we just have this talk? I could swear we just had this talk and established that you needed to shut the fuck up-“

Luther huffed, clearly worried, "Look, Five, you need to listen to me. If you have a headache, you could already be well on your way to the final stage! Do we really need the briefcase from him that much?" He jerked his head to the older-younger Five walking ahead of them across the asphalt, towards the grass.

Five twitched, turning to him, glaring up at him through squinted eyes, as if he was peering at the sun. He lifted a hand threateningly, stomping forward, "Listen here, asshole- oh shit-“ he nearly fell, tripping over his own feet. Luther yelped, grabbing at his brother, just barely managing to keep him from falling on his face.

Five slapped his hands away, or tried too, missing Luther's hulking form several times, which was an impressive feat, "Let go of me! Let go!"

Luther's frown deepened, but he released him.

Five wobbled, blinking, hissing as he brought his hands up to his head, squeezing his eyes shut. Luther swallowed, a hand hovering worriedly over his shoulder, "Five? Little buddy?"

Five jerked away, letting go of his head, swaying in place as he scratched his chest, his whole body twitching. It made Luther take a step back with a shudder as his brother convulsed for a moment, before turning again, snarling, "If we don’t get that briefcase- you die! Do you hear me?  _You die!_ And that’s not happening again- not on my fucking watch. So go ahead and try to kill me, just  try . I’ll do it. I’ll save all of you assholes, I’ll save the whole fucking world even if it kills me- I’ll- I’ll-“ he hissed, jerking back around and storming towards his other self, the effect ruined by his wobbling.

Luther blinked, trying to process the enormity of what his brother had just said, "Five, wait!"

Both of the Five's turned, snapping at him, "What?"

They turned back to each other, clearly furious, almost like angry cats hissing at the one invading their space, "He was talking to me!"

Luther groaned, "Little Five! I was talking to little Five."

Little Five grimaced shook his head with a sigh, grabbing at the sniper case and moving the gun out. The older looking Five turned to Luther, itching his hair under his hat, "What is it Luther? I thought I told you we were done."

Luther stopped, confused, "Uh..." he watched Five, his Five, yank the gun case open, muttering angrily. Old Five stared up at him through furrowed brow, "Look, I know you’re planning to kill me, but I’m older than that old fart. I told you that. So you better get your shit-“

Luther opened his mouth cautiously, "Um, I think something  _might_ be wrong-“

He paused, both Five's jerking and then little Five turned, legs trembling as he fell back to the ground, "Shit, shit fuck!"

The older Five turned back again, blinking with confusion, fingers twitching, "Hey, get away from the briefcase!"

Little Five looked at him and then to the case sitting between them. He yelped, lunging. Older Five threw himself at it and Luther started, "No- what’s going on- stop!"

The Five's blinked, his Five behind him, the older Five in front, both yelling the same thing at Luther, old and young overlapping with desperation and terror, "No, we need that to save our family!"

His Five twitched, grabbing at his head as he convulsed. The other Five couldn’t seem to stand upright, "Luther!" And Luther jerked from the force of their combined shouts, "Kill him now!"

"Okay!" He held up his hands, trying to calm them, "What is happening?"

Little Five pointed a hand at himself, the other following suit at the exact time, mirroring each other perfectly, "Five is trying to steal the briefcase! Luther you know we talked about this!  _I’m_ the older one-“

Little Five jerked, gasping, brushing his hair out of his face, blinking with confusion and pain, momentarily lucid, "Shit, fuck, Luther it’s fucking mutual interception. You have to take the briefcase back before it gets worse-“

Older Five lurched forward, stumbling over his own two feet, snarling, "Just give me the damn equation-!”

They both vanished with a flash of blue and Luther's brows furrowed as they both blinked back into the exact same place they’d been before. Little Five gritted his teeth, tossing the briefcase. Luther caught it, fumbling as the Five's advanced in unison towards each other, the very inflection of their voices the same, " _I’ll fucking kill you-_ “

Luther gulped.

_Homicidal rage._

He couldn’t let this go on. Whatever was happening, his brother (brothers?) were going to kill each other. And sure he’d been all for it a few minutes ago, but the lines were blurring between reality, shredding it apart, both Fives one and the same- both his brother, "Five! Stop!"

They ignored him. Older Five lurched forward, throwing a punch as his Five ducked under it, flailing with all the grace of a newborn calf. He swung, something jerking in his arm as they disappeared again.

Luther swallowed, looking around before a spark of white caught his attention, just in time for him to see them reappear, little Five's own swing hitting himself in the nose. The other Five was still throwing himself backwards, as if dodging a punch that had never come.

Luther's mouth opened with realization.  _Mutual interception._ Five had told him what would happen. He’d said that the... the lines of reality would blur, the distinction between the two of them would disintegrate. They were the same person, meant to be whole- to be one and the same. The universe or the timeline, the very nature of reality would be working against them in an attempt to rectify the fact that they, two separate versions of themselves at different points in the timeline, were interacting and changing the events of their own past. They would start to merge on all levels except physical, their thoughts, actions, words, and motivations melting together. Eventually they would become so blurred that an implosion could occur, either of themselves or of the very fabric of space-time. Five had- he had described it as an apocalyptic scenario, but one he could control and prevent, unlike the one supposedly coming soon.

He needed to end this.

Luther looked over at the gun, still half assembled, laying on the grass.

Luther left his brother to wrestle with himself and started for it, reaching down and grabbing it. It took him only a few seconds to complete what his brother had been trying to do.

He turned, setting the briefcase down by his feet, raising the rifle and aiming at his brother, who had himself in a headlock, screeching obscenities as the other version of himself bit down on a hand with all the ferocity of a caged animal.

"Hey! I have a gun! So- so stop fighting!”

They both froze, lips curling in disgust. Luther raised an eyebrow, "Now- stop- stop fighting! Five, open up the portal. You- other one, old guy. Don't move."

They both nodded. Luther grimaced as his Five stayed still, hands up, eyes darting warily from him to his brother. Old Five raised his hands, fists glowing as a portal of whirling energy, snapped and crackled, glowing brilliantly. They were still all mixed around.

How the hell was he going to get the right Five into the portal?

Luther swallowed, "Okay. You uh, go into it." He gestured at the old man, who's eyes widened with horror, clearly thinking that he was the most recent version of his brother, "Luther, are you insane? If I go back now there’ll be a whole damn paradox!"

He really didn’t like the fear and betrayal in his brother's eyes. He wasn’t changing anything, which Five would realize as soon as he went through. But for now, for now this older but not Five thought he was  _his_ Five, staring down the barrel of a gun held by his brother's own hands. He hadn’t thought much of it in theory when old Five had proposed killing his other self. He had seemed so  _sensible_ . Luther had thought that he could go through with it, but even threatening this other version of his brother seemed a crime of the highest caliber. His chest twisted painfully at the thought.

"Trust me, Five, I know what I’m doing, okay? This will turn out fine."

Both of them spoke, shifting on the balls of their feet, pleading with him, "Luther, you can’t send me back. You have to send the younger one back first. This is important- the fate of the world hangs in the balance-“ 

Luther shook his head, glancing between them. Five believed he was the other, or something along those lines. How could he convince Five to believe him? He needed old Five to go through, and soon, he could see his brother's hands shaking with the strain of keeping the portal up.

" _I’m asking for your help, Luther."_

_"All those years in the apocalypse, we never stopped worrying about our family."_

_"Do you hear me? You die! And that’s not happening again- not on my fucking watch."_

Luther swallowed, throat thick, hoping that he was right, "Five. You  need to trust me. I’m not smart like you, I can’t even to pretend that I know exactly what’s happening right now. But you asked me to help you for a reason, because you  knew that you wouldn’t be in your right mind. I get it, you’ve lived a long time, you’ve done a lot of things, and it-“ he hoped he was right, "it was all for us." He watched old Five eye him warily, something in him listening, waiting.

Luther gained confidence at that, at the way his eyes flicked towards the portal and away, unsure, "You’ve been going at it alone for  _so_ _long_ , working to make sure we all make it out alive. I’m sorry we haven’t been more helpful. But I’m trying to be better, okay? So I’m asking, Five- I’m _begging_ you,  _please_ , trust me on this."

The Fives slumped, both muttering, "...Okay."

The older one straightened, looking him in the eye, lips thinning, fingers twitching, his gaze hard and firm and  _trusting_ , "Okay. I  _trust_ you, Luther."

The depths of that trust nearly took his breath away as his brother turned to face the portal, staring forward.

He only had a moment to contemplate the weight of it before older Five yelped, ducking as a fire extinguisher flew out of the open portal and slammed into his head.

Luther crumpled as the world went dark. 

* * *

Luther blinked awake, brows furrowed, ears ringing. He turned, huffing, gravel digging into his palms as he pushed himself to his knees.

The air around him was oppressively silent.

Five sat beside him, slumped over the briefcase, head buried in his arms. His knees were scraped, knuckles bloody, clothes rumpled. There was no sign of old Five.

Luther rubbed his own head, grimacing at the lump he felt there. He bit his lip, asking quietly, "...Five?"

Five jolted, eyes widening as he whirled, startling him backwards, "Luther! You’re awake!"

"Yeah," he winced, "Unfortunately. What happened?"

Five shrugged, glaring as he scratched his neck, "Fire extinguisher. Klaus did it. Or 2019 Klaus I should say."

Luther groaned, "I remember." His brows furrowed, eyeing his brother with concern, "And- and the other you?"

Five picked his nails, "He went through. What you said to me or- or him, we... I-  _he_ went through. It worked. He’s gone."

Luther studied him, watching as he held perfectly still, moving as little as possible after that first startle of surprise, "Do you still have a migraine, Five?"

Five nodded, lips twisting, "Yes. The symptoms don’t just stop as soon as the catalyst is removed. They do lessen, but over a period of time. In an hour, it should be nonexistent and I’ll be back to- to normal."

Luther shook his head, standing, "Good. Then, then we got the briefcase right? Everything is going to be okay?"

Five huffed, stumbling as he also stood up, "Yes. Timeline saved. Kennedy died too. I checked. Whatever happened to end the world, didn't." He reached down, pulling the briefcase into his arms, "Luther...."

Luther looked down at him, battered and beaten and suddenly looking lost, "I... I wanted to thank you for your help. It was... most appreciated."

Luther took a moment to think, to contemplate everything that had happened and everything that had been realized. His shoulders slumped, his eyes softening at the sight of his brother, so small and so rigid, fingers white knuckled against the briefcase, "Of course, Five. Anytime."

Five nodded wearily, trudging slowly beside him.

Luther made a decision as he bent down. In one fell swoop, he pulled Five and the briefcase up into his arms. Five yelped, squirming as Luther adjusted his grip around his knees and back. Number Five stilled with a huff, glowering at him, "I'm not that tired."

Luther shrugged, watching his brother's legs swing, head laying back against his shoulder implying the exact opposite, "Sure. But it’s no trouble."

_No trouble at all._

Five sighed, sinking deeper into his embrace, safe and secure in his brother's arms as he let his family carry him home. 

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is here: https://ford-ye-fiji.tumblr.com/


End file.
